Gay marriage is officially legal in the whole U.S today. Scrolling social media brought me to tears today. My supportive friends and family I felt so much gratitude for them. For there awareness of the change that has been made and their excitement about it. I felt so much compassion and excitement for all of the dreams coming true. All of the people that receive the freedom they deserve.
I came out four years ago, in the month of June (and then to my parents on July 11) and four is my lucky number. That's just another cool fact. The past enemy inside of me told me this would never happen. That id never be accepted or loved or supported for being who I am. That I had to hide forever. I'm so happy that I didn't listen. That the enemy inside of me didn't win. Love won. It always does.
I think I'm overflowing with gratitude because I'm here. And I love being here. Alive, on this planet. I didn't want to be. I really really didn't. My enemy made me feel like I didn't belong on this planet. Why would I be breathing if I didn't, why would I have a heart beat if I didn't? I belong here. I feel it now so strongly.
We all have shells to come out of. We all have things that we hide or things we wouldn't say or do in public. There are certain parts of ourselves that we don't express in public. Or at least that's my experience. My understanding and observation. Holding hands with a girl in public was a hard one for me. It doesn't bother me at all now. What I'm working on now is expressing my spirituality with freedom. I chose to celebrate today by coming to the park and doing meditation/yoga. By doing something else that I'm afraid to do.
My mind wanders in weird ways when I do yoga in public. "Are people staring, do they think I'm weird?" I ignore it now because I know it doesn't matter. Today I just felt a lot of love. It was more important for me to give the opening of my heart attention rather than the silly thoughts in my head. I deserve to feel this love, I told my mind. I'm going to feel it. And I do. I really do.
I am so grateful